Indian history and culture is very similar to South Africa in many ways which includes the unfortunate history of discrimination. The ‘apartheid’ system in South Africa can be likened to India’s discriminatory ‘caste’ system practices, which were banned in 1950. Castes determined power, status, and ego: on the higher end of the scale were the social elite, on the lower end the ‘untouchables’, those who were ostracised, humiliated, and persecuted for they were beyond caste.
When Indians arrived in South Africa in 1860, they did so as indentured (bound to a contract) slaves to work on the sugarcane plantations of the then Natal Colony, the railways, and the mines. Their contracts provided an option: a return passage to India or a plot of land in South Africa. Most opted to remain and build a new life. Simultaneously Indian traders and businessmen arrived in the country under paid passage. Each immigrant retained their individual religious cultures such as being a Hindu, a Sikh, a Jain, or devotee of any other religion.
Among these groups was a decision to abandon the caste system because they needed to bond as Indians, not least because they now faced a new discrimination practice in South Africa: that of apartheid. Indians were regarded as not white, but as black until 1961 when they were officially recognised as a permanent part of the South African population. Before this, they had been forced to abide by severe restrictions that forced non-whites to live in separate communities, which gave birth to the now-famous predominantly Indian suburbs Chatsworth and Phoenix in Kwa-Zulu Natal (KZN).
Today, according to Stats SA (2019), there are 1.5 million Indians in South Africa. KZN is largely considered as their home base, even for those born elsewhere in the country, for it was in Durban that most of their forefathers had landed or worked. And it is in this province that evidence of their culture is magnified, either through the colourful sari’s that blend against African fabrics, their temples and festivities, and the famous Victoria Market rich with the taste and smell of deep and vibrant spices.
While most South African Indians have adopted Western culture, which was largely influenced by the British style of etiquette from the British Empire rule of their homeland from 1858 until 1947, and passed on through the generations, there remain many traditions that are purely Indian.
Food and drink
Eating with your hands, for example, is proper Indian etiquette, as is eating with only the right hand, the left being considered unclean and offensive. When invited to a home where these eating techniques are practiced, it would not be impolite to ask for a fork or spoon but it would be offensive to share such a utensil with another or drink from someone else’s glass. If embracing the tradition, you should also be aware that you shouldn’t offer food from your plate to another and that it is impolite to point to the food you want but rather to ask for it. Pointing is largely considered bad manners and rude.
Alcohol consumption for religious purposes may be banned in some Indian homes, similarly pork or beef.
Entering the Indian home
Traditional Indian households, and bear in mind we are being generic, will welcome you enthusiastically, for they are gregarious people, and enjoy the company of others, even strangers. If invited into the home be aware that it is common practice to remove your shoes before entering, leaving them at the door. And in many Indian cultures, you should never point the soles of your feet towards another person or deity/temple in the home.
In most Hindu homes there will be a small home altar, called a mandir. Usually positioned in a quiet corner, ideally, in the most northeastern part of a home, it is here that the Hindu household will contemplate and honour selected Hindu gods or goddesses represented by a statue, usually of Ganesha, Parvati, Shiva, Vishnu, and Krishna. Incense is burnt at these altars, and offerings of flowers and food are presented. It is not considered impolite to enquire about the mandir but respect must be shown.
Punctuality
Indians consider it good manners to arrive 15 – 30 minutes late, however, if it is business-related we recommend you advise your hosts of the delay. Punctuality is generally not considered bad manners. Somewhat like ‘Africa time’, Indian people do not hold to strict timetables, however, it is extremely bad manners not to arrive punctually for a formal event if invited. If you want to take an uninvited guest along with you, regardless of the inconvenience it may cause, your host will remain gracious and very welcoming.
Greetings
Greetings are very important to Indians. It is considered very courteous to use titles, such as Dr, Professor, or Mr/Mrs/Miss for those without a professional title. It is only when invited to use first names that the switch can be made. When greeting other family members, under familiar terms, Uncle/Aunty is considered respectful, as is the use of ‘ji’ as a suffix.
Women in the home
Do not be surprised if the women of the house are not immediately visible. Women largely stay in the kitchen, preparing meals that are considered crucial to making a guest feel welcome. You will likely be offered a cup of tea or chai (spiced tea) on arrival and it is expected that this will be accepted. To refuse is taken as a polite protest.
Limited touching between males and females is far more strictly adhered to in India, however, in western societies, physical contact between the sexes is more relaxed provided there is an understanding and the touching is not that of strangers. It is good advice to err on the side of caution when greeting an Indian woman, this means waiting until she extends her hand for a formal handshake.
Reciprocation and gifts
If invited to an Indian home, it is polite to return the gesture with an invitation of your own, but do not be surprised if your Indian guests arrive with others, for this is a sign of how close they feel to you, enough that they are willing to introduce you to other members of their family or friends. Catering can thus be a nightmare, but like the Indian host, you should therefore always cater abundantly.
A gift of sweets, books/toys for children, or flowers will be warmly received, but flowers do have different connotations. For example, white flowers and frangipani’s are associated with funerals, so it is best to check with a florist about what is considered acceptable.
Dress codes are also important. Your attire, even casual, must be somewhat smart, and to elicit more respect, cover up as much as possible.
Conversations
Conversations should always begin with small talk. It is generally considered poor etiquette to jump immediately into the reason for your visit. Personal questions about family or holidays for example are very welcome, as would be chit-chat about Bollywood, undoubtedly one of India’s biggest cultural exports.
In negotiations it is preferable not to force your Indian counterpart to make a quick decision; they like to deliberate regardless of the urgency. And do not make judgements about what you consider their right or wrong answer until you have an absolute understanding of the reasons for the decision.
When it is time to leave, it is considered respectful to ask for permission. This can be in the form of a statement, such as ‘I think it’s time for me to go’, which may of course open you up to friendly resistance from your host, but the intention has been made clear.
You may wish, on leaving, to bring your hands together into a prayer position and place them over your heart with a slight bow, or touch your forehead with them whilst saying ‘Namaste’. Namaste means that you recognise the divine in them, in the same way that the divine exists within you. In other words, you honour their presence. Namaste may also be used as an arrival greeting.
Barter
It would be remiss not to mention that Indian’s are exceptional at bartering. For some, it is the only way for a ‘price’ to be taken seriously. It is important to start any negotiations around price at a high level, and thereafter be prepared for a lengthy negotiation process. When finally settling on a price that is acceptable to both parties, the value is likely aligned to what both parties were, or are, prepared to pay anyway.
Namaste!
